I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize