how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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