can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
