Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
