the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
