i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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