You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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