im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize