Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
