My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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