Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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