went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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