Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
