Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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