the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
