My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
