Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
