I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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