Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
