You're so nebulous sometimes
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize