No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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