By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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