I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
