You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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