if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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