I've blown a few things in my day
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
