Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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