Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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