it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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