No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
