so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
