u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
