nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
