Umm I'm too high to move.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
