ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm like, not good at living.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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