See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
