i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
