clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
zippers are such a cool invention
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
