you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
