you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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