just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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