I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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