I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
