Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
