i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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