Got a toothbrush?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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