i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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