She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
