you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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