dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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