Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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