So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Randomize
