im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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