idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
In America we eat man semen.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Someone came in the potted fern
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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