so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i love accidental penises.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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