I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
