He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Do vagina's smell?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It was a blind-side dick pic.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
