ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
