Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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