Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
