I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
