she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
