You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
