Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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