no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
