This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize