I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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