Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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