Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
