we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
