my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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