After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
