are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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