don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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