So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
