I accidentally had phone sex last night
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
