I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
