bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
