so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
