i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
