i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
