I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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