He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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