I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize