I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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