So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
