if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize