:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
