Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
