Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
bring money and cleavage
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
