Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
