the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize