I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
