is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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