Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
