It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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