She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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