Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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