so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
