So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
