You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
