so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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