He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
