I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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