so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize