god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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